Hey Stephanie- things are pretty weird right now, right? It is 2008 & you are seriously crazy in love. You never thought you’d be married at 19, right? Yeah, me neither. I bet you never thought you’d embark in a life surrounded by the military either. That all your choices would soon revolve around this life. But they will.
I know you grew up being the center of attention. You were maybe overly confident & never had an issue making friends. You also made a ton of mistakes that somehow always turned out okay. But we both know you getting married to someone in the military wasn’t part of any plan. Ever. In fact- you turned down multiple decent guys because you thought dating someone in the military would be too much. But then you met Ryan & for some reason all logic went out the window.
Here’s what you don’t know yet, though. Things aren’t all about you anymore. & despite him absolutely adoring you, the military always come first. He’s going to miss every single Halloween for the next 5 years. & your 21st birthday when you have to buy yourself your first beer. No, he can’t make an exception. & no, there’s no way around it. He’s going to miss out on a lot of big moments in your life. Not because he wants to or because he doesn’t love you. Because he doesn’t just miss stuff when he’s deployed- it is all year.
& yes- he will deploy. Soon. & it is going to SUCK. You’re going to have to learn to be more independent, more forgiving, & less worried constantly. Because you haven’t been diagnosed yet- but you have severe anxiety. & the deployment will really bring that to the surface. You aren’t going to reach out to fellow spouses because you don’t know how. Don’t worry- when you grow up you’ll be extra welcoming to those like you. Because you’ve been there. & when that first deployment is finally over…things will get back to normal eventually.
The military will take a lot but it will give him so much. Ryan is going to go really far. & he’s going to become at least 10% less snarky at work which really helps his career. He’s not going to be able to tell you much about his job for a longtime…but he is REALLY good at it & people will start to notice. & the duty station he will get assigned to next? It will suck but you’ll also get through it. Because you guys are a really good team & learn to not take as much for granted. You’ll have to force yourself to appreciate the little things more. But seriously- don’t let the movers pack anything important because they WILL break it. Every single time.
Later on, you’ll feel more comfortable making friends with other military spouses. I know right now you really miss your friends & family…but I have a secret. Most of those friends won’t be there in 10 years. Your family & marriage will be & that is an incredible blessing. So cherish it. Get more involved with other spouses & actually connect with some that have similar morals. You don’t have to go out & drink with them if you don’t want to. & you don’t have to steer clear of those with kids because you don’t have any. You also can meet some online states away that will become friends forever. You & Ryan are also going to take in single airmen every holiday & feed them so they aren’t alone either. Because you will remember feeling homesick right now. Find your tribe but don’t stress yourself out.
& even though every date night has to have a “maybe” lingering in the air- your marriage will flourish. Because you guys aren’t going to fizzle out like people keep telling you. Don’t listen to the people that keep putting down your decisions- because they’re wrong. You & Ryan? You are going to create an unbelievable life together. & if you just keep trying to get where you want to be & working hard- you’ll be incredibly proud of each other.
I know you’re bored at home right now & going through school not knowing what the heck you’ll do with it. That’s okay. Education is fun & you should enjoy it while you can. Because you’re going to fall into a career of your own soon. & you’re going to create a job for yourself that lets you be creative & outspoken. & have absolutely nothing to do with his rank or his employment. Because you’re going to find yourself. & 10 years from now? You’re kind of a badass.
I hope you take the time to enjoy the little things. Sip on some chardonnay & raise your glass to toast to others. Quit smoking early. & dye your hair fun colors sooner because we both know you really want to.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Louise Telford
A big, sincere Thank You to Wente Vinyards for sponsoring today’s conversation. I urge you to check out their love of the journey & Chardonnay selection for Chardonnay Day here. As always, all thoughts are 100% my own.
